In Life and in Death.

Time I got back on the old Blog... It's been too long.
I've been in the ministry for 24 years and, during that time, I've only had three funeral services for children. Of course, I'm glad that there have not been more, but I've been thinking, recently, that I've been blissfully unaware of a huge amount of pain in those I've been called to serve. (Maybe four funerals in two weeks has brought this to mind...).
I've just finished reading "Empty Arms" by Pam Vredevelt, which was recommended to me as a helpful resource for those who have suffered the loss of a child. I was horrified to learn that about 20% of pregnancies (not including abortions) don't come to term because of miscarriage or stillbirth (meaning death after 20 weeks). I had no idea the numbers were so high. For those who have special circumstances such as STD's the numbers are even higher. Which means that there must be a large number of women in the congregation I serve who have suffered in silence. Also, I had no idea how dangerous it can be for the mother to have an ectopic pregnancy (where the child develops in the fallopian tube).
Often, I'm not told about a miscarriage, which is not the end of the world if someone else is providing loving support, but it makes me wonder whether anyone is. I was particularly horrified by some of the stories of well-meaning people saying the most awful things while trying to support a grieving mother who has just lost a child.
Here in Lake Jackson we have a wonderful ministry, begun by church members, called "Johnathan's Ministry." Yes, you guessed it, Johnathan was one of the three. I conducted his funeral service just over four years ago. Lori, who runs the ministry, provides thoughtful, compassionate care for those who have lost children to neonatal death. She does a wonderful job. The problem is that, for months on end, no-one asks for help. And you know that there are needs just crying out to be met.
Two things occur to me. First, the need to provide circles of care within (and beyond) the congregation where women will feel comfortable opening up and then receiving help. It just reinforces for me that concept that the church needs to get smaller as well as larger. Larger, so that more will come to know Christ as Lord. Smaller, so that we can provide the compassionate care of Christ to those in need within the context of small, covenant groups. I suppose we also need to be far more intentional in learning, from books like "Empty Arms" about what those needs are, and how we can be the hands of Jesus.
Second, I need to thank God daily for the safe delivery of our children. Dan is 23 years old now, and I still remember the trauma of the delivery room at the Princess Mary Maternity Hospital, on the Great North Road in Newcastle upon Tyne, like it was yesterday. Looking back, I could have lost both Daniel and Lesley. I had no idea what was going on. That may have been a good thing (I'd have fainted, for sure); but it is not good to take the miracle of birth for granted, or the goodness of God.

FYI:
"Empty Arms" by Pam Vredevelt. Multnomah, Colorado Springs. Second Edition, 1994
I've also found helpful, from a Reformed Theological perspective:
"When a Baby Dies" by Ronald H. Nash. Zondervan, Grand Rapids, 1999.
This is more of a theological study of salvation as it applies to stillborn babies. It is not really something that I would put in the hands of a grieving parent.